Christian teens are very interested in sex. They may not talk with their parents or other adults about it, but they are definitely interested.
Here’s one of those questions:
Is it wrong to live together before marriage?
Another teen added this to the question: “even if they’re engaged to be married?”
This is an excellent question, but it’s one that parents, teachers or youth ministers may have to bring up with their teenagers. Teens, especially Christian teens, are often afraid to ask questions that may imply they may be thinking about becoming sexually involved with someone. It’s sometimes easier for them to ask the question anonymously or privately with people they trust.
Sex Before Marriage
I recommend starting the conversation about living together by looking at having sex before marriage. While teenagers in middle and high school don’t usually venture out to live together with someone for the purposes of having sex, they are often having sexual relations during their teen years. The enticement to live with someone for the purpose of having sex regularly usually occurs after high school (late teens/early 20s). Some older teens or young adults believe living with someone is a good way to find out if the person would be a good husband or wife.
Results from the 2019 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System, managed by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), found that 38% of students nationwide reported having sex. Here’s the breakdown by grade:
- 9th graders — 19%
- 10th graders — 34%
- 11th graders — 47%
- 12th graders — 57%
The survey also found that seven of the ten states with the highest proportion of sexually active students live in the south. You can read the full report here. Keep in mind that this is a government report about teens and sex. It does not venture into the rightness or wrongness of kids having sex. Parents of Christian adults will have to look elsewhere for the moral aspects of teenage sexual activity. We’ll share some resources for Christian parents at the end of this series.
The good news is that many teens are not having sex. The bad news is that many teens are having sex. The question many parents, especially Christian parents, are asking is whether “my teen” is having sex. Statistics are helpful, but the ultimate issue is quite personal.
The next question about teens and sex is the type of sex they’re having. That should be part of the conversation with teens. They know a lot more about sex than many adults think they do. Teens talk about sex with their friends and also learn by reading books and online articles, and watching videos. Based on what they’ve heard, read or seen, they may have different ideas of what sex is and what it isn’t. What you think about sex will play an important role in talking with your teens about it.
The Bible and Sex
Sex plays a big role in the Bible. Christian parents who don’t talk about sex with their children are not addressing one of the major topics of Scripture.
God is quite open about the fact that He created sex.
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. Genesis 1:27-28
And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’ … And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:18, 21-25
And the rest, as we might say, is history. Couples began having sex, which led to them being fruitful and multiplying. However, not all was well in the world of sex. Though God’s purposes were righteous, the way people practiced sex after sin entered into the world was anything but righteous.
[Podcast version of this study coming soon.]
You can read more Tough Questions from Christian teens here.
Next Time
In the next part of our special series, Tough Questions From Christian Teens, we will take a deeper dive into how the Bible addresses sex and how honest and open we can be with our young people.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Faith & Self Defense 
I am sure the temptation has been there since the world began. What would hurt? No one will know, but God sees to the heart. If she isn’t worthy of a wedding, don’t marry her. Save your body for the one person you will meet that knocks you off your feet. It is up to the individual as to what they will do before marriage. I do believe when you do what is right, you take the bold step of submitting to each other in marriage. The bed is for after marriage, and it works when both are in agreement with this. In my day there were people having sex in cars. It has been there all along. So living together is another facet. You see the person like he, or she truly are. If you are not convinced, don’t muddy the water. If she is too, slow, or too demonstrative, and this bothers you, don’t have sex. Break up, and go your way. The world can do whatever they want, but I still advise you to safe yourself for the mate you really plan to live with for the rest of your life. It may be old fashioned, but you can be married real soon if you are so delighted with this one. Why wait? If you can’t have sex until you are married, then go find someone who doesn’t have that on his mind every time you date him. Go places, have fun, kiss, but don’t get serious until you find the right person fitted for you. Then marry quickly. Don’t have a year’s wait.