We are continuing to answer questions Christian teens have about sex. If you haven’t read the first part of, please link to it here.
It’s interesting how Christians, teens and adults, have difficulty talking about sex within families and churches. I find discussions about God and sex natural, especially since God created sex. Christians are in the best position to talk about sex because they have an intimate relationship with the Creator.
God created sex with a specific purpose in mind. That means God had design-purpose and an execution-purpose.
God’s Purpose for Sex
Everything we need to know about God’s purpose for sex is found in the first two chapters of Genesis:
- God designed human beings with two sexual genders: male and female. (Genesis 1:26-27)
- God designed the human sex drive for the purpose of them being fruitful, multiplying, filling the earth, and subduing it. (Genesis 1:1:28)
- God designed sex to occur between one man and one woman in a life-long marital relationship. (Genesis 2:21-25)
Unfortunately, it wasn’t long after God created humans that sin entered and opposed God’s purpose for sex.
- We see the opportunity for ruining that design in Genesis 3. Adam and Eve disobeyed God and the design for fruitfulness and multiplication was deeply marred. Eve’s relationship with her husband and children would change.
- We see the beginning of that fruitfulness and multiplication in Genesis 4 with the births of Cain and Abel. However, it was not long before Cain killed his brother and his relationship with God and his family was forever broken. It was not long before one of Cain’s descendants took two wives (Genesis 4:19), which was against God’s design of one man-one woman in marriage.
- Carrying the Seed of the woman (Genesis 3:15) was key to the salvation of human beings, so keeping it moving through the sexual process was important.
- God gave Adam and Eve another son to take the place of Abel, who died at the wicked hands of Cain. Adam and Eve’s sexual union brought about a little boy they named Seth. Seth grew up and had sexual relations with his wife and they had a son named Enosh. People began to call on the name of the Lord in worship at that time. (Genesis 4:25-26)
- The descendants of Cain and Seth married and had many children. The human race continued to multiply for hundreds of years, but became more and more wicked during that time.
- God saw that the wickedness of humans was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of their hearts was only evil continually. That grieved God’s Spirit and He determined to destroy the human race. However, a man named Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord. (Genesis 6)
- Noah married and his wife bore three sons. (Genesis 6:10)
- God destroyed the earth by a great flood, but saved Noah, his wife, their three son, and their wives .. a total of eight people saved. (Genesis 7-8)
- After the flood waters subsided, God blessed Noah and his sons and told them .. “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth” (Genesis 9:1). The same words God had spoken to Adam and Eve, which was a restatement of His purpose for human sex. Noah’s three sons and their wives had sexual relations and had many sons and daughters who married and had many sons and daughters who married and had many sons and daughters. The process of being fruitful, multiplying, and filling the earth was underway again.
Sex Before Marriage
What does it mean to have sex before marriage? I ask because the meaning of words are important when we talk to Christian teens about sex. Your teen comes to you and asks if it’s okay for them to have sex before marriage. What do they mean by “sex”? Kissing and touching? Oral sex? Intercourse? Homosexual sex? Be sure you know what your teen is asking before answering. Ask them what they mean by “having sex.” Their answer will help direct you to the appropriate answer.
Kissing, sexual touching, and oral sex often lead to sexual intercourse, so you may find that to be helpful to your teen to understand where sexual foreplay can lead. Young teens may not see any harm in kissing and touching, or even having oral sex. They may not view that as “having sex.” However, since having sex is bound up in God’s design for sex it’s important to understand that kissing, touching, and oral sex are part of the sex drive God designed for men and women in a marriage relationship.
The Bible views any type of sex before marriage to be “immoral.” Married people having sex with someone other than their own spouse is also called “sexual immorality.” The Apostle Paul addressed more than any other writer of Scripture, possibly because he was the apostle to the Gentiles. The Jews had a strict moral code concerning sex (though they often didn’t obey it), but the Gentiles did not have such a code.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
God’s will for Christian teens and adults is that they should “abstain from sexual immorality.” That’s any kind of sex outside of marriage. Paul went so far to write that Christians should not keep company with anyone named a brother who is sexually immoral (1 Corinthians 5:11). That included not even eating with them. That’s pretty serious when we think about it and it is something parents should share with their teens. God is intent on His people being sexually pure.
That discussion should also answer a Christian teens question about whether it’s okay to live with someone before marriage. Even if they say they just want to see what it’s like to live with someone before marriage but won’t have sex with them, they are playing with sexual fire. God designed sexual attraction for the purpose of married people multiplying and filling the earth.
[Podcast version of this study coming soon.]
Next Time
In the next part of our special series, Tough Questions From Christian Teens, we will address a question about whether it’s right for a Christian to question their faith.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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